Goodnight my angel
by Tonkswyrda
Summary: Tonks and Remus find a way to grieve for Sirius toghether, to the lyrics of Billy Joel.


I brushed my fingers over the keys, watching the dust rise. I sat on the piano stool, positioning my fingers over the keys just like Sirius had taught me. A tear rolled down my cheek, hitting the smooth ivory by my thumb. Taking a shuddering breath, I pushed my fingers into the ivory, hearing the satisfying sound as the music floated through the air. Just like Sirius promised it would. I moved my fingers up and down the keys, remembering when Sirius had caught me dancing like a lunatic in my room and had said " Wanna learn to play it?" My fingers moved smoothly, both hands playing, my rings flashing in the stream of light from the window. I watched my right hand dance up the keys, while my left kept the beat. I started playing faster, my breath quickening, blinking as I fought to stop the now heavy flow of tears. I was playing the wrong notes now, screwing up Sirius' song. But I couldn't stop, or start over. The tears were falling faster onto the keys.

"Arrghhh!" I slammed my fists down, making a horrible clanking noise.

"Arrghhh!" I raised my head, screaming to the ceiling. I slammed the piano lid shut, and banged my head against it. Ow. Bad idea.

I sulked up the stairs, passed the stuffed elf heads, wiping my eyes on the back of my sleeves. Taking a shaky breath, I fell into an old squishy armchair in the drawing room. I pulled my knees up, wrapping my arms around them. I bit my lip, looking around the room. I remembered when Sirius had tried (Abysmally, I must say) to get Remus to ask me out for dinner here. Needless to say, it hadn't really worked. I mean, we didn't go out for dinner, but we were sort of together. I think. Oh god, I don't know! Men confuse me. I took another breath listening to the deserted house. It was quiet. Too quiet. And I didn't like it at all.

I stood, and began aimlessly walking the corridors. My feet carried me to Sirius' room. I pushed open the door, looking round. I smiled weakly at the bikini clad muggles that adorned the wall. Then my eyes fell on the only framed picture in the room, on Sirius' bed side table. It was a picture of me, him and Remus, laughing at some long forgotten joke. The tears came again, and I fell to my knees, sobbing. I hated myself. I hated myself so much. I was the worst stupid bitch that ever lived.

I didn't hear the approaching footsteps. I didn't realise anyone was there until I felt strong hands around my waist, pulling me to my feet.

"I thought I might find you here." I sighed. Remus.

"Are you ok?"

I turned to face him. I must look terrible, I imagined. Mascara running, brown hair, grey eyes, so, so… normal. I tried to look even slightly ok, and nodded, smiling a watery smile. Remus pulled me into his chest, kissing my forehead. I could hear his breathing, and felt his heart beating at my cheek.

"It'll be ok, Tonks. It'll all be ok." He seemed to be reassuring himself as much as me. He stroked my hair, twisting the curls round his fingers.

"Its all my fault, Remus." he stopped playing with my hair, and looked down at me. I could see the concern in his sincere blue eyes. He led me back down to the kitchen, where we sat on the old sofa in the corner. I threw the piano a dirty look.

"Explain." Remus smiled at me. My god, he had the most gorgeous smile. I couldn't believe he wasn't mad at me. Id been expecting him to yell, at least.

"Its my fault, Remus. I'm sorry. You lost your best friend, and its all my fault. I was duelling Bellatrix. If id have finished her off, she wouldn't have killed Sirius." I wiped my nose on my sleeve, looking anywhere but at Remus- I didn't want to see the hurt in his eyes.

"I don't think you understand, Tonks. It wasn't Bellatrix who killed Sirius."

I looked up in surprise. What the fuck was he getting at?

"It was the veil. Yes, Bellatrix sent him through it, but if he'd of fallen anywhere else he'd be ok. It wasn't your fault he was standing there. don't blame yourself, Tonks. If it wasn't Bellatrix, it would have been someone else." he pulled me into a hug, kissing my forehead again. God, I loved him so much when he did this, when he tried to make me feel better about my mistakes. My faults. I looked up at his kind, understanding face.

"Thank you." I said simply. He leaned down and kissed me. I kissed him back, snaking my arms around his neck. I was a bit surprised by his reaction, I must say. I had definitely not been expecting it. But when fate throws something like Remus in your path, you grab it with both hands. And I didn't want to loose Remus as well.

He started to kiss my neck. I moaned as he bit my collar bone. My hair changed from mousy brown to electric blue.

"I need you." I whispered in his ear. He looked at me, and I could see the desperation in his eyes. This was exactly what I needed. And what I had wanted for so long. He lifted me, and I wrapped my legs around his waist, as he apparated up the stairs, into the room Sirius had given him. He fell back on the bed, and I pulled his shirt off. He pulled my weird sisters t-shirt over my head. I kissed him again. His fingers unhooked my bra, and I slipped it over my shoulders.

"Wow." Remus smiled at me, and ran his fingers over my skin. I fingered his scared body- there was hardly any skin that wasn't scarred. He pulled me closer, and I lay on top of him, breathing in the smell of his skin. I could feel his hands travelling up by back, and stopping on the tattoo on my shoulder. his fingers traced the falling coin lightly. I was a big believer in fate. Heads you live, tails you die, right?

Remus gave a snort of laughter, which I frowned at. Laughing lightly, he kissed me again. As we broke apart, I saw his eyes were suddenly serious.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked. I took a deep breath and nodded.

"Yes." I kissed one of his many scars, this one running along his shoulder.

"I love you, Nymphadora." He whispered in my ear.

"I love you too, Remus." I whispered back.

When I woke up, still in Remus' arms, I smiled to myself. I wanted to laugh out loud, but thought better of it. Still, in my opinion, there is nothing better than waking up in the arms of the man you love. I snuggled closer, running my fingers over his chest. He was tracing random patterns up and down my arms, humming my lullabye softly. I smiled up at him, and he smiled back, laughing softly as I changed my hair from electric blue to bubblegum pink.

"Time for breakfast." He muttered.

"Aww, just a little longer." I begged. He laughed again, kissing my hair. I snuggled closer (If that's possible) and he rolled his eyes, but didn't move to get up. When he did, he carried me down to the kitchen, gently placing me on the sofa we'd sat on the night before, making sure I had my morning coffee fix.

"Thanks." I smiled again. I noticed I was doing it a lot, probably more than was necessary, under the circumstances. ( I'm referring to Sirius being dead, not the fact that me and Remus were finally getting some action.) Remus cooked some bacon and eggs, and sat next to me. I noticed he drunk those herbal tea things. Urgh. Oh well. I will survive. He took a sip of his disgusting beverage choice, and turned to face me.

"Nymphadora, I think we have to have a serious talk about last night."

Shit. Shit, shit, motherfucking shit. I knew this was going to happen. He is to fucking noble for his own good.

"I know you're torn up about Sirius," He started. "But I don't think that… what we did last night is the way to deal with it."

No. No, no, no. Don't do it, Remus! Don't be the biggest asshole bastard the world has ever seen! I sent my thoughts out, praying he wouldn't say what I knew he would, and was absolutely dreading.

"I just don't think we're good together. I mean, I'm not saying last night wasn't great- because it was- its just that… I"

Oh no. here it comes. I knew his stupid speech off by heart, but I wouldn't be doing stupid imitations behind his back this time.

"I'm a werewolf, Tonks. I know it doesn't mean much to you, but, well, you have only ever seen me with friends, under the orders protection. You don't know how the rest of the world sees creatures like me! If we were together, you'd be rejected by the entire wizarding world. You'd be an outcast, Tonks!"

I rolled by eyes at him, but he ploughed on.

"And, furthermore, I am too old, too poor, and too… shabby for you. I've given up on life, Tonks. But you, you're just beginning. you've got your whole life ahead of you. Don't waste it with me."

I could feel the tears welling up, but I wouldn't let them fall. I grabbed the front of his shirt, scowling. "And what if I want to waste it with you?" I asked him.

"That's not an option." He said harshly. I gasped, releasing his shirt. He turned, heading to the door.

No. oh my god, no! Don't go, don't leave-

"Remus, no! You don't understand! I really and truly love you! No matter what." I yelled the words desperately at his retreating back. He paused, but didn't turn. He left. The door banged shut behind him.

Shaking, I fell to the ground letting the tears fall. I don't know how long I sat there. I just knew it was all my fault. I looked down the hall, at the stupid piano. I pulled out my wand, my hair now jet black. I'd show him too young…

"I HATE YOU!" I yelled, pointing my wand at the piano. I yelled it again, so loud it ripped my throat. There was something oddly satisfying about destroying Sirius' piano. Watching it splinter, and gasping in surprise as the larger splinters shredded my arms. I looked at the cuts, a sick smile spreading across my face. I was definitely smiling to much, given the circumstances. But I didn't care. Lets see what Remus would make of his little pink princess now.

Remus stood in his small, one bedroom apartment. Taking a deep breath, he sat at the piano. He hated himself for what he'd just done to that poor, sweet girl. But he didn't deserve her. She deserved someone better than him. A stupid old werewolf. Sighing, he danced his fingers over the keys, hoping to loose himself in the music. Softly, he sang:

_Goodnight, my angelNow it's time to dreamAnd dream how wonderful your life will beSomeday your child may cryAnd if you sing this lullabyeThen in your heartThere will always be a part of me_

Remus sighed. He knew how much Tonks must hate him right now, but it was for the best. Better to hate a werewolf than to love such a vile abomination.

_Someday we'll all be goneBut lullabyes go on and on...They never dieThat's how youAnd IWill be_

Goodnight, Tonks. My angel. My love, my life.

Lyrics by Billy Joel Lullaby (Goodnight my angel)


End file.
